When Agreeing Costs More
Heavier Than No: The Silent Burden of Yes- We all have our own versions of chaos, don’t we? Some wear it like a badge of honour, some try to drown it in productivity. And some of us? We simply nod and smile, saying yes when every inch of us wants to scream no.
The side effects of this yes? They creep in slowly. Unseen. Unacknowledged. Until one day, they explode into a silence so loud, even your thoughts feel betrayed.
As a leader, you are taught to be decisive. But no one tells you how heavy the crown gets when you’re the one carrying everyone else’s weight too. You say yes to that extra meeting, even though you’ve skipped lunch three days in a row. You say yes to taking on another responsibility, because “no one else can do it the way you do.” You say yes to toxic loyalty, to people who drain more than they give, because you think your team is your family. You say yes to every single request your team brings to you, whether it’s a day off, a sudden leave, a budget increase, or emotional hand-holding, because you believe being a good leader means never disappointing anyone. And yet, every time you say yes, a little part of you whispers, “Why does no one think twice before asking?” You sit in your office at 9:27 PM, staring blankly at your laptop, wondering if they’d have done the same for you. Wondering if being the one who always says yes is actually making you the biggest fool in the room. And the disappointment? It grows. Quietly. But steadily.
You love your family. They are your home, your anchor. But what happens when even your anchor begins to weigh you down? You say yes to every errand, because how could you say no to the people who raised you? You say yes to silencing your opinions, because speaking your truth might disrupt the peace everyone pretends exists. You say yes to being the glue that holds it all together, even when you’re falling apart in quiet corners of the house. You walk into family dinners with a full plate, of food, of emotions, of expectations. You sit there, laughing at the jokes, playing your role, while your soul whispers, “I wanted to rest today. I wanted to be asked how I’m really doing.”
Love isn’t supposed to be sacrificial all the time. But we turn it into a constant act of giving when we keep saying yes to things we don’t have the emotional bandwidth for. You say yes to weekend plans when all you wanted was a solo day. You say yes to forgiving things you haven’t healed from, just to “keep the love alive.” You say yes to putting their needs above yours, thinking that’s what makes love real. But somewhere between being the understanding one and the supportive one, you forget what it feels like to be understood yourself. And one day, while lying next to them, you feel lonelier than you ever did when you were actually alone.
Friendship is sacred. But it gets one-sided too, especially when you’re the one always giving, always adjusting, always responding. You say yes to the late-night calls even when you’re drained. You say yes to solving their crises while burying yours beneath small talk and memes. You say yes to being their therapist, their cheerleader, their safe space. But when was the last time you felt safe? When was the last time you were the one crying, and someone said, “Let it out, I’m here”? You begin to wonder if your value lies in your availability. And that thought? It breaks something inside you.
Saying yes is easy. It keeps things calm on the surface. It makes you look good, dependable, worthy. But beneath that surface, you begin to drown. Every yes that betrayed a no you should’ve voiced becomes a brick. Brick by brick, you build a life that looks full from the outside and feels hollow on the inside.
Sometimes, the side effects don’t show up immediately. They arrive like uninvited guests. Anxiety. Burnout. Resentment. Self-doubt. Sometimes, you lose your voice without realizing it. You talk, but you’re not heard, not even by yourself.
And here’s the thing: not every yes is noble. Sometimes, it’s just fear dressed in politeness. Fear of conflict. Fear of judgment. Fear of disappointing the ones you love.
This isn’t a guide on how to fix it. There’s no neat list of action points here. Just a shared story. A mirror.
So if your heart feels a little heavy after reading this, maybe it’s because you’ve been carrying too much.
And maybe, just maybe, it’s time to set some of it down.
But that decision? It’s yours to make. No pressure. No yes or no. Just space. To breathe. To feel. To choose.
Heavier Than No: The Silent Burden of Yes-
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